You read all the books, finally settled on a name, got the room decorated, clothes hung, diaper bag packed, “nested” as they say, brought the baby home, and a million other things. Now what? You’re ready, right? “HA,” says any mom who has done this at least once. You quickly learn that you can never be fully “ready.” Just because it went one way with one baby doesn’t mean it will look the same with another baby. So how do we experience a more joyful newborn stage as a mom?
Being a Two Time Mom Has Taught Me Some Things
I learned a lot between my first and second child. As a first time mom, I put so much pressure on myself to get it right. Don’t mess up. After all, we had waited 3 years for our miracle baby, what would people think if I confessed motherhood was hard? “You prayed for this, remember.” Oh the reminder I would sometimes get when I did open up. Just what a new mom needs (not). Friendly advice, when someone admits their season is hard, even if the season is an answered prayer, don’t remind them it’s what they asked for. Not the “words of encouragement” they need at that moment. Moving on…
How did I grow and what did I learn as a mom between my two boys? A LOT! As moms we sometimes get an image of how life will look when we bring a baby home. We want more than anything to be ready for our new baby. Maybe we envision the baby sleeping in their crib and better than what some had warned them of. We might dream of breastfeeding being a beautiful, easy thing. Maybe we fail to consider other aspects of life that will carry on, which means unexpected hardships. There is so much we can have in mind for life with a baby and it’s hard when things don’t fall in line with our vision.
I Thought I Was Ready for Our Baby
I could not be more ecstatic when we welcomed our firstborn. Labor was longer than I anticipated. I was nesting & working right up until I went into labor. So I was more than sleep deprived before the 14+ hour labor process. Nine days after we brought him home, my husband got deployed for over a week to help with hurricane relief two states away. While he was gone, I had family & friends call to check on me, but I never asked for help. I could not let on that I needed help. What kind of mother would I be if I could not handle my one child by myself?
We talked daily, but after he had been gone for a week and we chatted, he instantly knew. I was at a breaking point. He saw the exhaustion in my eyes. He heard the tiredness in my voice. Around that same time, I asked a friend if she would come over long enough for me to shower. That was big for me. I think I actually approached it as, “do you want to come see the baby?” Then, I took advantage of the time by showering. While she was there, my mom showed up. My husband had called her & let her know that her baby needed her. There is a comfort your mom brings that is undeniable. With her there, this worn out mom laid down for some much needed rest.
During this early newborn time, part of our “hard” was my son’s difficulty breastfeeding. A nurse in the hospital told us he looked tongue tied. I had never even heard of that nor knew the impacts it could have on a baby’s eating. While my husband was gone, we made the decision to have his tongue tie repaired. I set the date for after my husband returned. A little over one month old and we had his tongue tie corrected. Then we worked to retrain him how to properly latch and suck. All while performing painful mouth stretches. Not something I had prepared for when I envisioned the newborn stage.
What I Never Dreamed of Happening
One week after his revision, our world was shaken upside down in the most unexpected way. I accompanied my mother and “stepfather” (I say that very loosely because he truly was more like my dad) over two hours from home for a surgery to remove cancer. A cancer we only discovered a short time before our son was born. I left my son in the capable hands of my husband. Unfortunately surgery did not go by the books and we left that hospital without our rock.
It was the longest 2 hour drive back home, where we had a hard task ahead of us. My brother-in-law, sister, & myself sat on the floor of my son’s nursery, each holding one of my three nieces in our laps. Girls who adored their Poppee. We shattered their world as we explained he had gone to heaven to be with Jesus. We rocked, we cried, we stared in disbelief. All while my husband held our newborn. Our son who we had only gotten one picture of him with his Poppee. Because we all thought we had way more time.
A Different Approach With Baby #2
Oh the ways that we plan when we think about bringing a baby home. But there is no preparing for all of life’s twists and turns. When we brought our second son home, I was bound and determined to have a better maternity leave experience. To walk in more joy. To embrace every moment, because we never know. Although I didn’t get it perfect, I found a level of peace that I needed.
Our second son gave us a precipitous labor; caught him in my arms in our bathroom, but that’s a story for another day. I welcomed the offer for food and the friends/family who came by to hold him, plus check on me. Despite the opportunity, my husband declined going on any deployment while I was on leave. Once again we faced tongue tie, but we didn’t wait long to have it corrected. We took more pictures. We remembered to cherish the big, but also the small moments.
Can We Be Ready for All a New Baby Brings?
Momma, you will never be fully prepared for all life will bring you once the baby comes home. There will be hard times. Hear me loud when I say, asking for help does not mean you are an incapable mother. It merely means you are human and you’re adjusting to a new life. Your baby needs you and the best version of you that they can have. But to give them that, you have to take care of yourself. Welcome the help. Accept the offer for food. Let your newborn life visions be lived out, but hold them loosely. Dreams can and do come true, but sometimes we need to take those dreams and recognize they are just that – a dream. When life throws you a curveball, recognize it. Don’t downplay the unexpected. These moments are making you stronger, for yourself and your sweet kiddo.
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